Ten Angry Uruk-Hai

Okay, this is going to be a little weird. There was this tweet about Myla’s father not being able to remember ‘Uruk-Hai’ and saying Boracay instead. Boracay, of course, is a crazy beautiful island and tourism hot spot in the Philippines. Like every sane person, I started musing about what would happen if Uruk-Hai went to Boracay. Not only is this inherently funny, saying Uruk-Hai and Boracay a few times in short succession sounds funny, too. How do you even keep your mind from going straight to racist nursery rhyme about ten Uruk-Hai going to Boracay, where each verse ends with the troupe cut short by one?

Anyway, here it is:

Ten angry Uruk-Hai want to go to Boracay,
One got stuck in Isengard, just nine went on their way.

Nine angry Uruk-Hai through Fangorn forest went,
Eight of them were lucky, one got stomped by an ent.

Eight angry Uruk-Hai were hiding from the elves,
One hid in Lothlórien, and seven hid in elms.

Seven angry Uruk-Hai reached the riverbank,
Six took off their armour, and one forgot and sank.

Six angry Uruk-Hai travelled through a hole,
Five came out the other end, and one was Shelob’s toll.

Five angry Uruk-Hai grew angrier each day,
One became the angriest, and dead they made him lay.

Four angry Uruk-Hai cooked breakfast in Mount Doom,
When one fell in and grilled himself, three others left in gloom.

Three angry Uruk-Hai were far away from home,
One of them missed Saruman, and turned around alone.

Two angry Uruk-Hai thought walking was unfair,
One booked fell-beast first-class, one booked Eagle Air.

One angry Uruk-Hai arrived alone in Boracay,
When he sent a postcard home, he asked for company.

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5 comments

    1. well, when i wrote it, i more or less had the rhythm of the german equivalent of ‘ten little indians’ in my mind (it’s just as racist, but it’s not about jews!). i figured it was so simple that it’s ubiquitous for this type of minority-decimating nursery rhyme.

      and then german wikipedia taught me that it is not, so it’s now a little less internationally understandable that i’d liked.

      1. I don’t know either of those tunes, so I am racking my brain for something that would fit! :-D

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