Okay, this is going to be a little weird. There was this tweet about Myla’s father not being able to remember ‘Uruk-Hai’ and saying Boracay instead. Boracay, of course, is a crazy beautiful island and tourism hot spot in the Philippines. Like every sane person, I started musing about what would happen if Uruk-Hai went to Boracay. Not only is this inherently funny, saying Uruk-Hai and Boracay a few times in short succession sounds funny, too. How do you even keep your mind from going straight to racist nursery rhyme about ten Uruk-Hai going to Boracay, where each verse ends with the troupe cut short by one?
Anyway, here it is:
Ten angry Uruk-Hai want to go to Boracay,
One got stuck in Isengard, just nine went on their way.
Nine angry Uruk-Hai through Fangorn forest went,
Eight of them were lucky, one got stomped by an ent.
Eight angry Uruk-Hai were hiding from the elves,
One hid in Lothlórien, and seven hid in elms.
Seven angry Uruk-Hai reached the riverbank,
Six took off their armour, and one forgot and sank.
Six angry Uruk-Hai travelled through a hole,
Five came out the other end, and one was Shelob’s toll.
Five angry Uruk-Hai grew angrier each day,
One became the angriest, and dead they made him lay.
Four angry Uruk-Hai cooked breakfast in Mount Doom,
When one fell in and grilled himself, three others left in gloom.
Three angry Uruk-Hai were far away from home,
One of them missed Saruman, and turned around alone.
Two angry Uruk-Hai thought walking was unfair,
One booked fell-beast first-class, one booked Eagle Air.
One angry Uruk-Hai arrived alone in Boracay,
When he sent a postcard home, he asked for company.